One of mine and K's favourite things to have happened, is to become part of the yearly invite to amarillion's family Christmas dinner. It's a huge affair, with heaps of food and lovely smiling people from several families and often friends (like us!) too :) K has become part of the carving team, and this year I contributed a pavlova - honestly, the best one I've ever made.

I also got to see pictures of the trip that amarillion's parents had done the year before at Christmas time to Antartica - wow.

I love the big gathering, with happy people coming together, all bringing bits and pieces and ever year, such warm greetings for us - even though we're additions and not actually family :) This year we brought Cameron too, and it was still just like a sense of 'home'. Cam fit in beautifully with discussions about Neal Asher amongst other things.

prk and amarillion are part of the chosen family for K and I and spending Christmas Day with them just makes sense... it's hard to imagine it otherwise. I love them *so* very much.

Christmas Day has come to include for me, cauliflower cheese, rolled roast pork, ham, turkey, roasted veggies and pot luck desserts. This followed by what seems to be a yearly marathon of Mythbusters on Foxtel from the couch where we all lie, half dozing and unable to move while our bodies digest. Late in the afternoon we stagger out and drive back home, and it always feels like I can't quite bear for the day to end.

The complexities of family move me and fascinate me. I love my family, and my chosen family. I think I'll discuss with K doing something as an event to share with our chosen family next year as we've never hosted a Christmassy thing before... we shall see :)

Tomorrow we hang out with Cam's family up in Mundaring - hoping that it will be lovely up there as K hasn't seen much of the area at all, while I got to see a bit when I was living up there with Darkewolf. It's an area of Perth I'd like to spend more time in as I have very fond memories of it. My fondness for Freo actually stems from being on an awesome picnic there in which I met Darkewolf :) Expect that the hanging out will be awesome and I'm looking forward to it.

Am experiencing some hormonalness, though not emo soppiness, rarely for me a quickness to grumpyness. Realised this tonight with the boys carrying on being cute and adorable in the back (but noisy and annoying too). We were heading out with Kallan to find food (Ninniku Jip rocks). I've been having late night dinner/desserts with Kallan often enough just the two of us that I was completely unprepared for the boisterous grossness of toilet humour that marks the experience of when the four of us are together - or rather me wibbling in horror with the three others outdoing each other with disgustingness :P

I'm missing my connections, companions a little atm, but had a wonderful phone catch up with Mr Brisbane which has my heart stirring - and his judging from words and sharing. He still plans to come over here for a Margaret River trip I'm planning next year. I'm just in one of those rare spaces where certain lovely people interstate just *feel* far away. It will pass, it always does :) Still putting it out there in the universe to meet some lovely and awesome person in Perth to enjoy connection and companionship with.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... "Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf Define... # amazing friends, cam, christmas, connectionism, family, k, love, relationships

Today happiness looks like:

* Did really awesome job interview...

* ...for an organisation doing awesome and important work.

* Am glad to just have been able to chat to the two managers and hear about what they're doing with the organisation I interviewed for.

* Met a new friend - the woman from the horrible group that we both left in disgust. She was as articulate and insightful and lovely in person as she was online.

* Tiger Tiger coffee

* Puppy cuddles from Kenobi (who is on the bed on the blanket beside me looking sooky and adorable).

* My first ever visit to Somerville, where I watched 'Please Please Me' with girliejones and kathrynlinge. The company was sublime and the movie was bizarre and funny and adorable.

* Being able to call a friend knowing they were still up after the movie to tell them how much I think they'd have enjoyed it.

* Posting my post for the Down Under Feminist Carnival - many thanks to friend of a friend Travis who was kind enough to assist me with making sure the post was as trans sensitive as possible - any remaining errors are mine alone. Many thanks to chaosmanor for grammar and structure edit, and also thanks to others who looked over it for me to help me make sure that I said what I wanted to say :)

Where am I? House of B&D Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, coffee, culture, feminism, happiness, interview, job hunting, meme, movies, positive things, queer, social

Got picked up early by maharetr to go to the movies and see 'New Moon' which I enjoyed heaps, and was lovely just hanging out together, just the two of us.

Headed off to King's Park for the Swancon BBQ which was great, beautifully catered by linstar, awesome company and some great conversations as well as baby cuddles :)

Then headed off to the Slash gathering and chatted all afternoon, we all watched the pilot of 'White Collar' which I'm enjoying immensely and was pleased to have pimped to the group - consensus is 'endearing' which is utterly true :)

Yummy food, yummy cake and my Slashy Birthday present which was awesome and *so* thoughtful :)

*appreciation*


So tired now. Relaxing, then sleep.

Tomorrow, Centrelink wrangling is the goal of the day (and at least 1 other day that week).

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... tired Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, movies, slash, social, swancon bbq

I've submitted my essay for Ideas in Action *relief*! I think it's a decent effort - hopefully worth an HD, as I could really use one in this particular unit given the awfulness of the tutor.

I'm not looking forward to the exam, but am cheered by the thought of exam prep with a study partner. It's almost like being an internal student!! *grin*

Have my PR Journal which is also due in today (Friday, no I'm not paying attention to the time :P) but I still have some work to go on it. I don't think it's a huge amount, and the assignment itself should be a pretty damned good study for that exam which is kind of awesome.

Next week shall be the land of lectures and note taking and trying to suck all the information out :)


Job hunting is still pants as far as being employed in such a way as being able to support myself, however there has been validation related awesomeness happening, so yay for that at least, it tells me that I'm following the right course of action however difficult I'm finding it to resist capitulating and taking yet another dead end admin job.


I am making fantastical travel plans that exist in a real sense in my commitment to doing them or something like them, but are in no way practically possible going by the $ factor.

I am feeling compelled to go on spontaneous adventures - instead of going home or doing what I'm 'supposed to do' to just, grab some clothes and go on an adventure and explore - without any real planning or decision making or forethought, just letting whimsy and intuition guide me and educate me. I have fantasy's of super cheap trips to Margaret River, camping and tasting lots of wine and lamenting not buying any. e_dan and MS's trip across the Nullabour and back make me hunger for the desert at night time, with all it's wonder - especially at this time of year.

My energy feels vibrant and sometimes fraught - as if I'm only being held back by some fragile string - that perhaps does not exist at all. I don't think it's necessarily good or bad, but it is interesting. My exploration for this year was 'self expression' which also occurs to me as 'exploration', and it has been at that. Fucking year of many opportunities for growth. It's been amazing, and intense, and painful and loving and sad and transcending. I'm still tackling the fact that I keep trying to make myself small, to keep myself back and to keep myself safe rather than actually risking falling flat on my face and failing but having tried to do something more awesome than I think I can do. Baby steps - even as I am committed to let go of this ongoing conversation, it's a bit like kicking and screaming inside my head; it would appear that I am terrified of actually trying, and worse than failing: succeeding. Then I'd really know anything was possible and all the half thought dreams and hopes in my head might actually also be able to come true. Imagine that. *waves to brain which has run off screaming*

So my life is filled with an abundance of love, from almost every imaginable angle. What balance is lacking I am seeking. Some of this is within, and some of this is inside of new connection. I am grateful and happy, committed to learning and growing and always falling in love with the people in my life. However hard the work is sometimes... it has never not been worth it - not when I keep seeing the things I value most becoming ever *more* in my life.

And now, I think bed rather than switching to what's left of PR to do. That shall be Sunday's task.

Oh, but before I go... reasons why ascetic_hedony is one of my favourite and best loved people in the world: (edited from FB)

Ascetic_Hedony: @Damian - 2 hours to go
@James - A Masters was enough for me, I try to avoid masochistic behaviour. I guess some people feel differently

Mynxii: You're one of my best friends and you say you're not into masochistic behaviour?

Ascetic_Hedony: @Ju - I guess that either makes you the exception, or simply exceptional ;)

Mynxii: awwww *is all melty* You're just the awesomest :) *loves*

Where am I? home in cluttered study Feeling... thankful Compelled listening... "Try Not to Breathe" - REM Define... # adventures, amazing conversations, amazing friends, assignment, exploration, life, love, self, self growth, travel, uni, update

Cry Havoc is one of the best pieces of theatre I've ever seen. It's my favourite tied with 'The Oresteia' which I saw last year, also at The Blue Room.

The play is Julius Ceasar x West Wing plus much Grant Watson insight and brilliance. Particularly of note is the monologue in the second half - absolutely captivating.

The performances in this play are truly outstanding. Going to see this performance is worth cancelling things for. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... impressed Compelled listening... "Hilli" - Amina Define... # amazing friends, culture, politics, transcendence

I really want to see Cry Havoc - cheapest option is if I get a group of 5 together, then its $12 each.

But failing that I'd also just really like company to enjoy the play with.

Any one interested?

Where am I? home in cluttered study Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, culture

So, angriest's new play is opening this week and I really really want to see it!

Grant says that if you like any of these things, that you should definitely come see the play:

- adaptations of Shakespeare;
- political drama;
- The West Wing, or;
- good theatre;


Also it's written and directed by Grant, so even if it's not precisely your thing, it never hurts to come along and provide support :)

This is what others think:

Xpress Magazine gave praise to Cry Havoc! for its unabashed political questioning being "not just interesting" but also "pertinent" to today's Society (Much like many classic Shakespearian tales).

Out in Perth called Cry Havoc! "a piece of must see theatre" that is "ambitious in scope and nature".


So, now you know all about it. Fly! Fly my pretties to the box office:

Book your tickets now to avoid disappointment! Call Sally at the Blue Room on 08 9227 7005 or book online at http://www.facebook.com/l/4a6cd;www.blueroom.org.au/blueroomseasons/makeabooking

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, theatre

* Trying to study, general clutter in house is not helped by clutter in head including money stress.

* Not stressed about the job thing - in my head somehow I've divorced it from the money thing which may or may not be useful.

* Did recruitment company job interview for a project admin today, went very well - got some lovely ego stroking on my skills, experience, CV and performance on testing (even though typing was crap for me - concrete keyboard!)

* House looks like something the cat spat up because we turfed a whole lot of the furniture we had that was stuff we salvaged at various points, intent is to get rid of excess, declutter, and replace with possibly some Ikea stuff or other options we've not yet considered. Given we've been using 2nd, 3rd, 4th and other salvaged furniture for the past........13 years nearly? I don't have a problem forking out for something new for a change :) (when i have $ that is)

* Cam moved in properly - yay!!!!!!!

* K and Cam celebrated their first year anniversary in style - apparently all the linen etc for the B&B was pink :P But it was all apparently very well appointed and lovely etc, also they had seafood and chocolate and really enjoyed spending the time with each other :)

* Unexpected late night sundaes with PRK and Maharetr last night, which was lovely and we chatted and held hands and spent time being and feeling connected and there for one another, comforting each others sharp and pointy and jagged bits that we're going through.

* Decided my ideal solution is this: work for Lush casually, train as a doula and add that to the rotation. Study and revel in it. Travel and revel in it.

* Chatted on the phone with E of Brisbane on Friday, and it was lovely to hear his voice and hear what was going on for him, and just think lovely wishful things about spending time and such :) Made a proposition, which was received very positively!

* Watched Victor Victoria yesterday afternoon and was delighted by it.

* Started a new seminar series tonight, it's a senior series and it shows in the fact that people are really wanting to be in the room, and have intentions around what they want to get and there's an openness for connection that is tangible. Subject is on 'Creating Happiness' and not out of a mystical process that will make people happier, but connecting people to a conscious ability to create and be in command of their experiences and emotions. Session was amazing and I love being around these people.

* Once upon a time, last year, before doing all this work I've undertaken I articulated that I felt that I'd done and become who I was, reached as high as I had (and would continue to) by standing on the shoulders of giants around me, and I wanted sincerely and deeply to be a giant where people could stand on my shoulders and reach higher. I feel that I have found this space of being, and I am enlivened by it. (note: short jokes unwelcome in reference to this).

* I'm at a crossroads at the moment - I don't know what I want, I don't know what it looks like, I am paying attention to what inspires me, what motivates me and ignites the passion in my being. I'm looking at ways to be true to that, and not suppress it. I'm completely in an exploration space, an expressionate and experimental space - it's terrifying and exciting.

* One of the exercises we did tonight was to envision, and be present to moments/experiences where we'd been happy and to concentrate on recreating that experience in our minds. I had so many to choose from, and as I touched on those experiences one by one, I delighted in falling in love several times over over the space of minutes. I never get tired of this feeling, of falling in love with you (where 'you' is collective and broad). Never, ever.

* I did something today, and asked something of someone I'm close to. It was a situation where I put myself first, in a way that I was completely uncomfortable with - knowing full well that if this was important to someone I loved, that I'd make it happen, and trying to take that same stance with myself. It's happening and I could fall over with how hard it was and how confronted I was by it. I'm still in that space - hence the cagey details. I notice that I feel like I'm doing a wrong and irresponsible thing that it's not necessary and other things. I'm just noticing it and concentrating on the fact that this would not be the same experience as if it were for someone else - and I am just as important as the people I love. This particular time it's apparently hard to keep hold of that. :P Grateful to black_samvara and e_dan for their way of teaching me to notice and take this on... even if I'm only getting to the guts of this now. Feels very full on.

So this was a bit more share-y than I expected. But now it's sleep time before swimming and driving tomorrow!

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... elated Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, connectionism, happiness, job hunting, landmark, love, positive things, possibilities, self growth, transcendence

Just so I can track that I'm actually achieving stuff and being in action, as with job hunt slowness it's easy to feel like I'm going nowhere. This is part of me practising ruthless trust in myself, and my ability to make things okay. I really can trust that everything will work out, that I will make it so.

*is ruthlessly trusting in self*

Stuff I've done today:

- driven Calli and I to Gosnell's Leisure World
- parked successfully (remembered hand brake)
- learned where the windscreen wipers were
- did walking laps with Calli in pool
- drove back to my place
- hugged interwebs
- job hunted LOTS, including looking under straight 'administration' tags for seek.com.au, which isn't something I've done before, I'm usually much more prescriptive.
- called job people several times
- did grocery shopping
- looked at digital cameras (future purchase plan)
- did chemisty things
- finished listening to witchcraft trials lecture (it was supposed to relate to the printing press, but i didn't feel that the link was explored very well, i see it exists but not connected to it very well)
- did femmeconne stuff
- phonecall with friend

Still to do: (not necessarily tonight)
- finish feedback assessment journal for PR
- listen to final print and community lecture
- do readings for next set of topics for Ideas in action
- WASFF values statement
- secure employment of some description
- make payment and make a plan to finish paying for advanced course for October, I really don't want to miss out on it.
- hug friends and appreciate them
- send connection emails
- continue listening to awesome new music
- continue practising driving, including in a manual
- renew learners and book driving lessons and driving test
- pass test
- do logged driving
- pass hazard perception test
- get P's
- drive people places
- do advanced course
- complete happiness seminar
- do SELP
- be involved with pride month stuff and go to as much of the festival as possible
- somehow get to the poly weekend in Oct/Nov if possible
- meet someone snoggable and share said snogging with them :)

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... busy Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, communication, community, dot points, driving, femmeconne, job hunting, life, love, study, to do, uni

My love and positive energy are directed to Mikey and Bec today.

Where am I? home in cluttered study Feeling... hopeful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends

* In Brisbane

* Didn't study on plane - helped out a mum travelling alone with her 4 kids, her 10 week old slept most of the flight on me. Felt useful, and read my book.

* Brisbane has been met with exclaimations of "It's Brisbane!" which is also an expression of "It's not Melbourne!" - as the past several interstate trips I've done have been to Melbourne. It felt very odd to be in an unfamiliar airport today :P

* Queen Street Mall has considerable opportunities for fun when explored with a creative four year old.

* Wagamama for dinner. Cold Rock for dessert. Cute house, comfy couch, internets and bejewelled like game sharing. Discussions on discussions and possibilities considered.

* One lecture down (3 to go, until later this week when there will be 5 total (2 are from last week).

* Discovered what a 'gerund' is. A verb used as a noun, such as 'Fishing is fun' but not used as a verb or adjective such as 'Jane is fishing' - am sure that I only think I get this and that practice will actually drive it home.

* All is well, and baby has yet to prompt arrival.

* Welcome to the new little one to cassiphone's family - I wish you all the very best and love!

And now, sleep.

Where am I? Babalon's Couch Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, babies, brisbane, dining out, discussion, grammar, study

(and I should be sleeping)

* Didn't get Silverchain job :( I think in my investment that my practised succinctness didn't kick in. (based on feedback. On to the next shiny thing!

* Still bemused about the mechanics of discussions. Still have no time/brain to construct response.

* Response may be new blog post.

* lady_niav is picking me up tomorrow morning at 7am to go to the airport. I forsee a nap on the plane.

* Spent the afternoon with Ali-RT, we did bits of shopping (and I only bought the stuff I was supposed to for babalon_93 - win!), then she had the brilliant idea of Melville swimming place with spa. We spa'd, it was awesome.

* K was supportive in watching 'All Dogs Go to Heaven' tonight with me - a favourite from childhood. Story is still as unlikely a premise now as it was then, and the story still stands up to time even if the animation shows its age.

* Am far too enchanted by K and I creating a Guitar Hero avatar of me :) I don't actually play the game - unless choosing the songs counts :P (which I have great fun with!) but then K played the guitar and sang 'La Bamba' using his character and my character - it was weirdly romantic and special :)

* Loving the idea of girliejones and pharoah_kat's new project - see their blog's for details. (Too late for link hunting!)

* Coffee with potential mentor person went well... it's possible it's a great match simply on the helping me connect my awesome ideas, with real world context and usability - we shall see :) I still think I boggled him a bit - unintentionally.

* Still tickled over getting to have coffee with programme coordinator person - managed to fall in love with semiotics again :)

* Lots of study to catch up on already with the full on stuff that's been happening! But I know I can do it :)

* Am at that 99% packed mark, requiring only showering and stuff before moving to full 100% mode.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, dot points, feminism, inspiration, movies, social, spa, uni, update, women

Week has been full on.

Actually, the past half year has been full on. I feel like I've been running full tilt since sometime last year...

Anyway.

I do have more self esteem awareness month posts, but I'll do a catch up post 4, 5 and at least 6 tomorrow.


Last day at work - yay! Looking forward to the farewell lunch :)


I'm exhausted emotionally more than anything after the past 2 weeks... I could use a couple of days of snuggling skin to skin with a loved one.

I'm also heartsore over a couple of things, and none of them I can do anything about.

There are wonderful and elating happy moments - but I blogged about two of them last night, and the one that happened today I'm not going to mention just yet.

Now, to bed, via the lounge to see if K will sleep with me tonight :) I love the bedroom options in the family - but I wish I could mix it up a bit more myself! lol :)

Oh yes, I'm tired enough to be all over the place.

Oh, before I forget... I made a kind of 'jumble' tonight for dinner, I roasted some veggies and then poached a pork fillet in apple and pear juice, some onion and garlic. I put it in a big serving dish (the pork sliced up) reduced the juices and added some mustard, vinegar and pepper and spooned this over the 'jumble' and served it. Voila! it was actually really rather awesome - and unexpectedly so given I had no idea what I was doing :P

Pot pies for dinner tomorrow night at Friday night. The balsamic and french onion lamb is in the slow cooker as we speak :)

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, cookery, cuddles, recipe, touch hunger, update

It's been filled with poetry, inspiration and love.

It's also been filled with support and connection, and has left me feeling loved, and grateful.

First of all, a huge thank you to subtle_eye who spent hours on unravelling style sheets for me today courtesy of Word 2007 being... difficult. I learnt lots and usually I can fix my own problems like this just fine... this one really did stump me though.

Thank you to LR whom picked up my text books for me, and also met me for coffee - which was brilliant. I think I'm utterly in line with the awesomeness of Tiger Tiger. I liked the place before, now I really love it :)

Also, thanks to prk who just made things completely possible. *grateful*

Is there anyone who is free on the morning of August 10th (Tuesday next week) who could take me to the airport for 7:30-8am?

( Success Seminar Series... what did I learn and accomplish... what inspired me? )
And now, bed time.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... elated Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, brisbane, family, identity, landmark, positive things, possibilities, self, self analysis, self growth, transcendence

Thank the Universe for the love I get to share in and experience in my life.

What is clear to me this moment, is that this is not thanks to the Universe at all, and is a function of me being who I am moving through the world.

Tonight I'm connected to this understanding where if I am committed to genuinely being who I am - and continually taking joy in, examining and discovering me, then I get to experience the love and joy and friendship (add other expressions as appropriate) that I adore and value so much.

Instead, tonight I shall thank the Universe for me.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... K sleeping beside me :) Define... # amazing friends, connectionism, identity, joy, love, self, thoughtful

* Slept through alarm, and phone was on silent so reminder alarm as backup didn't go off :P
* Sleep was good though!!
* Upside of being late to work, was I missed the daily meeting with boss *urgh*, downside was that I spent half an hour printing my time sheets that he decided he wanted to look over (I've been meaning to do this anyway)
* My most trusted and favourite work colleague is off to work on another floor in a day or three, which is awesome for him but not so much for me.
* Lunch with agoodliedown which was wonderful. I love her so much.
* Still waiting impatiently to hear about Workcover job... still really want it.
* Must get a hold of "The Female Man" and "The Story of V" for online reading groups.
* Must decide on dessert for birthday party Friday night.
* Must order birthday present for MS that is perfect.
* Must sleep soon.
* Went to Joe Egg with wolflullaby which angriest was acting in tonight, though we managed not to arrive quite in time before the lock out, and so read and chatted for the first hour, and saw the second half of the play and aforementioned angriest being awesome with the other actors. Play was macabre and funny - though I seemed to laugh in lots of places others didn't. Was lovely evening in wonderful company.
* Bed is warm.
* I appear to be freewriting...er dotpointing...

I think I'll stop now.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, birthday, culture, day to day, dot points, jobs, life, work

I had such a lovely day today, it was just made of win, filled with happiness and lovely people to share that with!

I woke up early enough to get 'stuff' done, then maharetr mentioned the train strike, so we arranged that she'd do driving stuffs and I'd navigate and provide support/coping.

We met up with mr_booboo and N and D and J along with ascetic_hedony and caitlen who was unexpectedly still in Perth today :) Yum cha was -good- (it takes a lot for me to say this given my overdose on su mai a couple of years back), but they even had one of my favourites which is the little semi circle pork dumplings that are steamed then quickly fried and served with a vinegar sauce. Alas they didn't bring out any of the triangular baked pastries with bbq pork in them. Mango pudding, can't ever get enough.

After we meandered through Northbridge a little, and then I suggested that there could be 'high tea' in Mt Lawley! Alas ascetic_hedony had to go off to work, but caitlen, maharetr and I decided that the day was ripe for indulgence and impulsive high tea escapades!

We went to Leaf Tea on Walcott street, and tried some wonderful tasting teas (I bought some unexpectedly, and now I officially have too much tea.) We soaked up the atmosphere, which even included a surprise running into the awesomelicious special_trille!

maharetr confessed to never having been to Planet Books, and neither had caitlen so that was our next port of call, we wandered amongst the shelves and there were several birthday presents found!

maharetr joined us for dinner and I did a slow cooked kind of 'Navarin of Lamb' with steamed and roasted veggies and cheese soufflé :) prk then turned up and we had Rose Petal tea, and just as maharetr was leaving I made good on my promise to K and Cam for immediate dishes by making Golden Syrup Dumplings which went down a treat. Kitchen is now clean and I am warm in bed with music, the puppy and K on his way to bed soon.

I am feeling full and replete, relaxed and very content. Feeling sleepy too, bedtime soon.

Another week, where hopefully I will find out if I got the Workcover WA job *fingers crossed*

Also, I have to mention that maharetr did amazing driving feats of skill, determination and competence - more on that over on her lj post about today :)

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... cheerful and tired Compelled listening... "Hot Tub Blues" - We Are Smug Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, books, cookery, relaxation, social, tea, weekend, yum cha

Hi all,

I fail at getting everything I needed to get done outside of work this week (work in contrast was really productive...)

I have an Imtimo party scheduled this Sunday afternoon at my house from 2:30pm.

Calli promises me that there is red underwear of awesomeness - which I know some of us adore, and there is other awesome new season stuff that is -not- red too :)

If you can't make it but are interested let me know, I can either organise for you to put in an outside order or get Calli to contact you for a party if you like :) (I love my Intimo parties for the discount)

In any case, if nothing else it would be lovely to see people and catch up :)

Where am I? home Feeling... tired Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, intimo, parties, social

You were completely right about the DAAS version of 'Throw Your Arms Around Me'. I now understand your disbelief between Minchin and DAAS for my previously uneducated pov. If only I found DAAS funny. I do now understand how awesome Paul McDermott is. Thank you for sharing the goodness :)

In return I offer you the Carbon Leaf I promised...

Here is 'What About Everything' set to my favourite Doctor Who songvid by Calapine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxyD9NyfLX8

And here is one of my other favourite songs, the reason it is my favourite is actually indicative in the title "Live a Life Less Ordinary":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNfWJDboisU

And just because, the Regina Spektor cover of "Hallelujah" which took the place of Jeff Buckley's version as my favourite:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oa_q6Jnukg

Last but not least, Darren Hayes 'Who Would Have Thought' - I am hoping this will be kind of for you what 'Daystar' was for me tonight.... also, I love the animation in this and thought you might appreciate it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-25FoOrh9M

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... "Hallelujah" - Jeff Martin Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, carbon leaf, darren hayes, music

Something about a friend's wedding really hit me today.

I am incredibly moved.

Yet, I'm not willing to elaborate at this point.

Where am I? home Feeling... loving Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, love, loving, wedding

I spent today filled with love and community, spirituality and an appreciation for life and ritual. It was incredibly moving and special. I hope your day was perfect, and thank you for inviting me to share in the experience and celebration with you.

Where am I? home Feeling... loving Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, love, loving, moments to remember, thoughtful, transcendence

I've been quiet lately. Mainly I'm still in a stressy space with reasonably low coping. I dislike inflicting that in text on you all. Apologies to those who have experienced me inflicting it all upon them in person. I love you? No really - I do. The support makes for sanity and coping.

In short however:

* My phone wanted a bath, it didn't survive the experience. Bought super cheap but somehow awesome Nokia for under $200.

* Counting down to Melbourne.

* I fell in love with K all over again Tuesday morning and despite the sorry state I was in, I couldn't ask for more from someone who shares my life so intimately.

* Work is..... I'm turning up. ebooks provide sanity and I am a terrible person for blatently using escapism like this.

* Got together with PRKy tonight to get some idea of something I'm supposed to be doing at work and that was really successful and will hopefully make for a little more okay-ness and a little less panic work wise.

* My Intro to Gender and Culture exam is for the Tuesday I'm still in Melbourne. Have emailed tutor, hoping I can do it IN Melbourne somehow. I know people of awesome repute, surely one of them could supervise me for an hour or two?

* K's had a very rough time of things lately - we've both been equally stressed out and we've been awesome for one another, but in a kind of low coping way.

* Am job hunting fairly strenuously, though I'm not going to be unhappy if I end up leaving, choosing austudy and temping.

* I still get all blushy whenever I talk about MS and my tummy flipflops when I think on e_dan - the shiny things are still shiny and I adore them :)

* My Melbourne trip this time will be a long weekend poly gathering in Bendigo, and I'll even be in Melbourne for the monthly (?) discussion group which I'm delighted about!

* I may have signed up to do a 500 word fic challenge. I may be insane but maharetr promises hand holding.

* Despite how low, stressed, anxious and not coping I'm feeling a lot at the moment, I am still really aware of all the love and support in my life and am very grateful for it, and find joy and happiness and abundance in this as always.

* I have a kind of post almost brewing about some poly stuff I'm thinking on, but it's not ready yet.

Now to watch some more Studio 60.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... good Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, dot points, love, melbourne, poly, study, update, work

I wanted to make sure to post about this, since I'm currently not doing very well, not coping very well and finding things Hard.

This doesn't mean there aren't any good bits - there are heaps of them.

But today was a really good DAY. The whole day! *hugs it*

Today has been composed of:

* sleeping in warm and snuggly with K
* sms's from loved ones who got my gift and loved it
* early to Carousel and meet my Mum.
* Coffee and open conversation with her - being honest with her about where I'm at and what's going on for me.
* Hearing that my brother is doing better.
* Shopping with Mum - we wandered all over, just browsing, and apparently sharing similar taste in kitchen stuff :P Did not buy appliances.
* Did buy awesome of awesome teapots. 3 cup capacity, glass and see through, has a little bowl for leaf tea that you use a lever at the top to lift out when your tea is brewed enough. I love it.
* Did low stakes writing piece on gender and identity in the context of pop culture (mainly tv) analysis - 1700 words without quite pausing to think about it. And it made sense and said -something- I believe in.
* Went to movie - Fast and the Furious 4 - and loved it. Zooooooomy!!!! Vin Diesel!!! Explosions!! Buddy movie of romantic sublime awesomeness!!! I love it when men have awesome friendships involving an honour code.
* Wonderful friends to share movie with, including cricketk who made it possible and came and picked me up (and took me home).
* Daylight Savings = No! (Commiserations - but omg I am relieved!)
* Fremantle by election - Greens! Yay Fremantle!
* Snippets of conversation with e_dan and the happy in his voice made me all fluttery and blushy :)
* Was telling cricketk about MS and was all fluttery and blushy over her too.

And now, back to studying.

Where am I? home Feeling... bouncy Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, family, happiness, love, movies, politics, positive things, self, social, study, update

I was emo and sad earlier this evening.

Now I am lighter and relieved and giggly even.


It's a nice feeling *values it*

I realise tonight that there is a difference in not moving yourself into a better mood, where someone else being or doing something essentially triggers it, and you experiencing goodness where you move yourself into a different head space.

Intricacies. I am still experiencing a lot of stress emotional and otherwise and am frequently responding in teary like ways to things that are ordinarily not suggestive of such.

I started reading 'Zoe's Tale' by Scalzi this morning, and it was the beginning of the book, and there was nothing really happening but there was this one little bit and I was teary on the train to work this morning.

There are other equally silly examples of my low coping atm. Mostly later this is funny but... tiring too.

However, obviously I'm in the midst of an opportunity for growth, building of character and self discovery so there are huge upsides that will I expect become more visible at some point than they are currently *eyes Universe*... I hope.

In any case it's all a learning curve - and currently I'm managing to stay on it :)

Also, out of the conversation I just had with my friend where I ended up feeling a whole lot better, I realised in a way that kind of sank in that actually one of the things I'm very good at is loving people. Given how crap various things have been over the last few months I'm going to take a moment and appreciate that because, the experience of that love both given and returned makes a metric tonne x lots of difference.

Still, tonight I was going to achieve wondrous reference page like things, and lecture listening too like things, and this has not yet happened. That said, I can still work on references now, and the rest over the weekend.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, life, love, loving, low function, possibilities, self, self growth, self reflection

* Worked.

* Lunched.

* Read for pleasure (and procrastination)

* Caught up with prk and maharetr while they ate dinner. (I ate earlier)

* Went to seminar and got lots.

* Caught up with internets at hyperspeed.

* Listened to lecture <-- wins at following through on this despite tiredness

* Now? Sleeeeeeeeep.

* I feel far, far more up today than I have in what feels like ages.

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, dot points, life, possibilities, study, success, update, work

* Star Trek has reached first full draft stage. Spent far too long trying to get my head around the Cold War.

* About to do lecture and freewriting, then submit that, email tutur and give her a status update of where I'm up to.

* Cooked a storm today despite working hard and consistently on essay. I made:

- one hour bread
- slow cooked pork in apple, thyme and sage
- chocolate pancakes
- pastabake (part of my meal package for my friend who is due any day now) :)

* I wanted to make gingernut cookies but didn't get there. Next time.

* Dishwasher may be broken, as it is tripping the circuit, even when it's the only thing plugged in.

* K hears about job on Tuesday, depending on that I can start planning to take lwop - which involves doing some saving, working out budget stuffs, waiting for aescapulius to move in.

* Lots of cool discussion and reintroductions on the poly list, and it has me all excited about going to Melbourne and the Bendigo weekend all over again!!

* Went to movie of extraordinary trashyness with ascetic_hedony on Saturday night - was trashy, and hilarious and awesome.

* Went for midnight walk with puppy and AH, the moon was glowing and it was just eerily beautiful out in the park, in the middle of the oval with the trees encircling.

* Had lunch with Mum for mother's day yesterday rather than today, with Trevor (step dad) too, looking forward to some one on one Mum time when we can schedule it :) She's still really worried about my brother - so am I.

* Glad to hear that the federal budget includes something of the paid parental leave proposal. Was extremely pissed when this was dropped from the budget when the 'financial downturn' hit, so am glad to see it back. It's not perfect and can certainly be improved upon - but as a first step in the right direction if it's anything like the proposal I read that came out of the Human Rights Commission last year, the it will be adequate and a good platform to work from.

* I'm simultaneously hermity, and yet interested in company - usually specific. Kind of odd, but not unpleasant.

* It feels like forever since I was in Freo, I must go back soon and soak up the goodness :)

* I am most of the way over my illness still - the last little bit of sniffles and coughing is lingering *grump*

Okay, enough babble. Lecture.

Where am I? home in bed Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, assignment, cookery, family, life, movies, planning, positive things, possibilities, social, study, uni, update, work

...oh look, I'm blogging. *head desk*

- lots of reading on assignment - am less panicked about it because there was magical extra weeks put in between me and the due date (ie. i had my weeks totally wrong)
- really enjoying Lessig
- Swancon data entry and reconciliation for 6 hrs last night - I love prk and chaosmanor a LOT. They are truly awesome.
- Socialising and chatting and spending time with prk after waiting for maharetr to be done in the city, no mention of Swancon - we caught up on the rest of our lives together :)
- Epic cleaning this morning, with the boys volunteering to help and as such we got a LOT done and my house is cleaner than it's been in ages. AGES.
- Tuppaware party went well, there were shiny things, there were shiny people, and little shiny people, and it was a bit warm (sorry people - was trying to keep puppy outside) alas. I have yet to actually decide what -I- want to get.
- For those who missed out on mine today callistra is having a party in the first week of may (she just blogged about it) :) If my other friend I asked doesn't end up having one, I'll end up rebooking to qualify for my hosty thing (not the super shiny I wanted but the consolation is not bad either :)
- Too tired to move or cook after cleaning up, so ordered pizza.
- Boys are watching Quantum of Solace.
- I am heading bedwards to watch stuff, or bathwards to read stuff, then sleep early.
- OMG so tired.

*flop*

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... Quantum of Solace in the background Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, dot points, house, life, sc2009, social, swancon, tuppaware party

Wow. Two years of my life is ebbing.

I'm elated. I'm sad. I'm relieved. I'd work with this committee again in a heartbeat.

I love all of you I got to work with, in many cases I either hand picked you, recruited you or told prk to recruit you, and I delighted in seeing what I thought was possible truly come to life.

You were all so amazing.

It has taken me all afternoon to catch up on the backlog of my life, as you can see by how much I scrolled back through - this is also me scrolling past the community posts for the most part. Wow. Busy holiday period :P

Many thanks to all of you who came along to Contact: Swancon 2009 this year, you all really made the convention and the two most consistent comments I've received are:

* gaming was outstanding and filled with eager new faces as well as those who are familiar to the lure of a game. People felt invited in and loved being able to easily and without embarrassment learn new games.
* the social nature of things being relaxed, very friendly and inviting. I spoke to several first time con goers, several approached me to talk to me about stuff they were enjoying or looking for. People going to swancon for ages commented to me how many people they'd met and spoken to that they hadn't before - both new people and just people that were fellow swanconners, but they'd never had the chance to chat to before.

There were several highlights for me, of which I can barely begin to touch on given how tired I am right now:

* My committee - all of them. Thank you for being so awesome!!!
* My room mate babalon_93 who on Friday morning at 6am when I first woke up, snuggled closer to me, and said 'Oh you're awake! It's 8am for me, and I've already slept in 2 hrs, can it be cuddle time now?' Seriously, this was one of the most touching moments of the con for me.
* The committee dinner at the end was also something I was glad I insisted on keeping as an 'optional' thing. Mainly because I thought it may be the first/only opportunity for our committee to meet and chat to the guests, and secondly by the Monday evening we were all going to be 'people' and not 'on show' and so the interaction between everyone was kind, and social, relaxed and informal - it was a bunch of friends going out for dinner rather than a formal affair. Also, the food was most excellent at Di Malaysia - William St, next to Aida and I may have remembered the name wrong.
* kathrynlinge's Tin Duck win for the Swancon 2009 logo - YAY! I still love this piece of art!
* Rebel Empire's demo - seriously amazing stuff. I am so PROUD of all that kae_dash has worked for with his group for the past months - they've been dedicated and tireless. The performance was the best choreography, performance, writing etc that he's produced to date - my favourite bit was the 32 person melee fight that was just so seamless it was amazing. The make up and costuming and characterisation that everyone put into their characters was amazing. I am extremely proud of K for inspiring people who would never have thought they could perform in front of a large group, to do so - and in such a physical and spectacular way. It. was. incredible. Well done beloved, and to aescapulius who has done most of the support work and partner-petting for this project of K's :) (this is why I love being poly!)
* Wrangling TR into being nice to JW for the next 14 months as JW is the 2010 treasurer and thus must be cherished and supported :) The three of us are having a great deal of hilarity in this - as it's all based in love :P I'm just offering an opportunity for TR to express said love in a different way :P
* Being voted onto the WASFF Board again. I reiterate my promise, to continue being your voice, your link and being willing to have the conversations. I will always do my best for you.
* Slightly less harried parents, happier children enjoying doing things they were interested in - I got shown at least one picture :) I also enjoyed cuddling a certain baby who was the happiest grumpy 'i refuse to sleep' baby in the world :P He was so cute!

One of the totally unexpected highlights:

* RW awarding me the inaugural WASFF Chairperson's award, for contribution to WASFF and Swancons. This still hasn't sunk in, I'm still overwhelmed and shocked. This is for two reasons:
1. This is the only Chair's Award he'll give out, being the outgoing Chair.
2. He's been to over 20 Swancons, and been Chairing (or at least on) the WASFF Board for 7 years - and given the huge array of people who contribute and do amazing service to the convention, the Board and the community.... in all honesty I just can't quite get my head around, that he picked me.

I am truly humbled and honoured. I truly love this community and it is important to me to be involved in the support, growth and making of the community, this space and this group of people as a whole will always be special to me - so thank you; for being you and inspiring me. Thank you to RW for awarding me, I am truly touched and will treasure the experience always.

Btw, robshearman - you were missed! *big hugs*

There's so much more - late nights and awesome conversations, new friends, old friends, panels and food and and and and... so much more. I already can't wait till next year!

Where am I? home Feeling... i have no words Compelled listening... just the wind :) Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, community, fandom, love, moments to remember, sc2009, swancon, tin ducks, transcendence, wasff

Hi all,

The deadline for the Tin Ducks is looming.

I'd like to remind those of you who might have seen Christopher Phillips' 'Emerging Forms' exhibition last year that it is eligible for the Professional Art category.

There is a partial catalogue here:
http://christopherphillips.com.au/catalogue/

The artist's statement is below:

I've done a lot of research into the physics of light transport - the way light moves through a scene, softly lighting the darker corners by bouncing off objects that are more directly illuminated. Using software of my own devising, I explore this interplay, creating highly realistic images of sculptures that exist only in my mind.

There is a tension in my work between two opposing goals. On the one hand, one of my favourite quotes is Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." On the other hand I do have a strong appreciation for the incredibly fine detail to be found in gothic architecture and sculpture, particularly as exemplified by the many cathedrals I visited whilst living in the United Kingdom.

For the moment, the tools that I use constrain me to working at the simpler end of the scale, so I have been concentrating on producing spare and striking images, inspired by the works of Barbara Hepworth, Keizo Ushio, and Henry Moore.
---

So if you remember being impressed by this, let me urge you to nominate your favourite piece to the Tin Ducks (note: I'll post this again for Ditmars later in the year).

Where am I? home Feeling... sick Compelled listening... Zoe Keating's marvellous cd Define... # amazing friends, art, artistic wonder, awards, tin ducks

Tonight belongs to madame_red_au who was brave, and honest, open and vulnerable in such a way where all of us in the room were feeling right along with her. It was amazing and I'm so proud of her.

*loves*

Be proud of yourself - you deserve it and earned it.

Where am I? home Feeling... impressed Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, transcendence

* Wonderful dinner tonight with wonderful company all around. Well wishing for travelling was had! Amazing curry and dessert *worships* rabbit1080 and her kitchen assistant shrydar for cooking, and for hosting us.

* Long and thoughtful conversation with friend on the way home. Actually I can kind of measure my life in the long and thoughtful and passionate discussions.

* Started cover letter for job I really want for charity organisation that want someone to do stuff that actually, I can really do. Spoke with National Manager and she likes the sound of what I can offer. Working v. hard on it not sounding like selection criteria.

* maharetr rocks my world.

* I feel like my trip to Melbourne next week is:

a) an eternity away
b) so close i can scarecely stand it
c) me going to visit my 'other family' or somesuch - the possibility I've created and acted upon as a part of the tree association I've had with the connections is really coming into itself and I feel incredibly connected and loved and invited in.

* Love is: e_dan picking me up from the airport at 6am.

* Love is also black_samvara going back up if my parents are still in Victoria and can't pick me up from the airport when I return to Perth.

* Perth poly meet up gathering on Thursday - looking forward to this.

* Coming up to my 12th anniversary in sharing my life with K - and this weekend is the 'official' celebration, where we're going to Phantom of the Opera, with prk and ascetic_hedony which will be wonderful.

* Creating positive things around current job, and as management for where I'm at and how I'm feeling in it at present, it's helping and working.

* A few of the friends in my life are experiencing feeling unlovable, undesirable or similar and while it's not what any of you are after... I really do care and am thinking of you. I really believe in your individual awesomeness, lovability and desirableness (with some added spelling...) I wish I could hug you all. A lot. More, I wish it could help more than it will.

* I realised just how many people who are significant in my life who are having babies. It blew me away and I'm still a little boggled - and overall quite delighted. Part of me is inherently surprised not to have children myself by this point - our original plan had been have family early. I'm glad it hasn't happened that way. No idea where I'm at with it as an ultimate decision, but I'm enjoying the exploration of self, the people I love and our lives.

* Time for sleep.

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, anniversary, career, dot points, e_dan, family, job hunting, k, life, love, melbourne, phantom of the opera, poly, relationships, social, work

I'll be making some sort of official post soonish, but didn't want to wait to say something.

Everything went beautifully - the weather held, with a few well intentioned and loving rain droplets here and there. It was cool if a little humid.

There were about 30 people who arrived in ebbs and flows throughout the evening. A sincere and loving thank you to all of you who turned up. It meant a lot and I really appreciate it.

The fundraising was successful and another sincere thank you to everyone who donated today for the event, your generosity is incredible. I'll be visiting the Red Cross this week.

I had a wonderful afternoon, where there was lounging, food and awesome company. It was very relaxed, social and easy.

Many, many thanks as a last (and important) note, to black_samvara and angriest for helping me to realise this and being so wholehearted and loving around it all. It's been a joy and I couldn't wish for better people to do something like this with.

What I most of all wanted to create out of today, and share with others is the sense of community around us - and that we as a community can act together, and make a difference, and see the love and generosity of spirit that is so abundant.

Events such as the bushfires devastate many people, many ways - which is to say not just those affected. Given the horror and gravity I really wanted to remind people of that community we have access to and that we nurture, and through that - do something where collectively we could make a difference.

The launch of 'Hope' the fanzine was awesome, and I may have been gushy and emotional at angriest who wrote the most beautiful Editorial ever (note: i am biased). I can't wait to read the rest of what this first issue has in store!!

If you're interested in a copy of the fanzine, please comment or contact me, there is no set cost, just a donation to the bushfire appeal. Your donation brings you what looks to be a 4 issue fanzine series, which has some amazing content both in the first issue and those upcoming.

I have a couple of friends on my flist who have families in the affected regions and they report that the aid money is getting to those who need it quickly and usefully which is awesome to hear and know.

There are a few more causes that I'd like to pick up and run with in the coming weeks, but I'm not quite sure what form that will take. In short: books and animals.

I choose to be someone who is an expression of love and connection and compassion, where I get to be inspiring and powerful. I can't resent that, I can't worry about how it will turn out, all I can do is be honest in it, and consistent in it, and have integrity within that vision. Everything else will still happen, and I'll still get to be that person good, bad or otherwise.

Where am I? home Feeling... thankful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, bushfires, community, connectionism, events, fundraising, identity, love, making the world a better place, possibilities, self, social

* Work is going well. Procure to pay reform will be painful and yet awesome. I could train someone to do my job for a week, in less than a week. *fantasises*

* Rocky Horror on the big screen - AWESOME! First time ever! Some great costumes, and great participation.

* Cuddles under starlight, watching movie. Awesome. (see previous post)

* Amazing friends. Amazing conversations.

* Conversations of particular amazing note: e_dan in the past couple of days and subtle_eye in the past couple of weeks.

* 2 and a bit weeks till Melbourne!

* !!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I'm still doing lots of enquiring, lots of thinking and getting lots back from it. So much consideration and reflection, looking at things and their background - letting go of much of it, and with that has come so much freedom and energy.

* Going to a farewell tomorrow night - should be wonderful.

* Lots of closeness atm, with people around me - lots of K being close and purrry. *adores*

* Current song that keeps following me around: Bernard Fanning's 'Watch Over Me'. I can hear a particular person singing it.

* Looking forward to the fundraiser on Saturday - will be wonderful to reach out and share that connectedness I'm both feeling and wishing to promote... and to do something to draw community together and try and make a tangible difference to people who are suffering.

Where am I? home Feeling... loved Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, cuddles, dot points, love, melbourne, music, relationships, transcendence, work

Being cuddled up under the stars with black_samvara, waiting for Rocky Horror to start. This woman, one of my dearest and closest friends, I am so in love with.

It feels amazing... and I can't not want to share that in some way.

To black_samvara: thank you for loving me as much as I love you.

Where am I? home Feeling... loved Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, black_samvara, love, perfect moments, transcending

Very quickly before I sleep:

* Lovely day yesterday with lady_niav where upon I bought far too much Lush. I got more free stuff than I paid for, so I'm counting that a win.

* Awesome party at madradish's that was made of win. Lovely people to catch up with which was just wonderful. Cuddles and connectionism for the win.

* Sleeping in. Puppy cuddles.

* Driving lesson with prk, and maharetr's suggestion to make friends with third gear: TOTALLY WORKED!

* I was so competent at gear changes, thanks to this, that I didn't need to look at the gear stick, didn't get second, third or forth wrong or weird at all. I stalled multiple times, but several of those were hill starts or strange/complicated intersections, and also I was operating on much higher expectation of my competency in gear changes being in amongst traffic.

* I now need to make friends with zero to first again. Delicately off the clutch.

* I DROVE ALL THE WAY HOME FROM KINGS PARK!

* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* black_samvara came over and there was quality time and conversation spent, it was oh so beautiful as we sometimes forget to take special time just for the two of us to connect and express love. I'm so glad she's in my life, and she's one of my dearest loves and closest friends.

* Connection and gentleness conversation with another friend who needed to feel some love and be listened to, I hope that they're sleeping now with some kind of comfort and feeling of possibility and support.

* WASFF bbq was lovely, I may have started a compliments to insults bartering system for some of the cynics of fandom :P That was fun! Also, I am not going to bid for 2011. However shiny it looks when I squint.

Where am I? home Feeling... tired Compelled listening... the wind... Define... # achievements, amazing conversations, amazing friends, connectionism, driving, goals, love, lush, relationships, social

Yesterday:

* productive work day

* lovely catch up lunch with strangedave. There shall be more :)

* coffee with my Landmark group, catching up and sharing.

* phone shopping with maharetr

* taxi-ing to House of B&D rather than facing rail replacement bus horror

* amazing friends and loved ones

* hugging internets, yet more melbourneish conversation this time featuring leonard cohen and cuddle parties.

* watching 'Being Human' Mitchell is v. pretty.

* started watching Supernatural - brain bashing bits drew me away.

* home, cuddling K and watching sent links of leonard cohen for edumacation.

Today:

* sleep, and when K left cold enough for the doona *bliss*

* hugging internets

* Lush soon, but mainly lady_niav

* Party at madradish's later :)

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, dot points, friday night, love, lush, party, productive, social, television

Everything took longer, to think through, move through, do, action, make work... it was odd. Like watching everything in slow motion.

I did get some work done, but not nearly as much as I wanted.

I had a few amazing conversations, one for the benefit of a friend, and two others whom were kind and considerate in listening to me. Despite my realisations of last night, by morning time I felt I'd taken two steps forward and three backward.

In having one discussion with someone, sharing possible insight/techniques with them, I revisted the topic myself, and got a lot out of it - safe spaces and choices etc. It helped a lot.

I wrote and received a beautiful email, which helped immeasurably, both the sending, and the receiving.



I'm crampy still, but less emo. My notes on the difference between this cycle, now being on the pill for the first time in about seven or so years, is that overall the pain is less, so is the bleeding. But whereas before I'd get 2-2.5 days of incredibly sharp and intense pain, and essentially be on painkillers for that entire time, this time it's been fairly constant for 4 days, but at a much lower level. A level that I can't justify taking anything for. So... jury's out on preference there, as the directing energy toward pain management constantly isn't fun, I feel scatted and heavy, slow and hormonal. Still, less is less and for that I am grateful. Shall see what next cycle is like, and what the doctor says.

Best thing about today though? I booked a ticket to go see Amanda Palmer while I'm in Melbourne. Even better, MS and I believe subtle_eye are going too! I'm so excited!! This excitement is measured somewhat by the fact that I booked the ticket and THEN realised it was for the day before I fly in. Cue a second rebooking of flights, my cheap tickets... not so cheap any more. But - extra day in Melbourne, having fun out with dear ones, and getting to see Amanda Palmer live! (I'll be in Melbs for the Perth dates). I apparently suck for reading schedules and dates and times... still all in all I'm ecstatic, the extra $50 is worth it!

I'm still feeling the need for more cuddles, but I have reserved buckets with some catchups I've planned over the weekend, so now it's less about deprivation and more about anticipation :)

Where am I? home Feeling... tired Compelled listening... nil Define... # amanda palmer, amazing conversations, amazing friends, cycle, love, melbourne, pain, support

Several things. ( Which I acknowledge, and appreciate below because in doing so, I really get how much love and support there is in my life. Such a reminder is always useful. )

Just reading over this, and having thought my way through it bit by bit as I've typed this, I'm struck by the phenomenal amount of care and comfort and love I received today - though it took till after dinner for me to truly appreciate it. I'm very grateful to you all, especially as by the time it gets acute enough that I need to do something about it, and it's actually distressing/noticeable, I often find it the hardest point to ask for what I need.

I'm hoping that I can sleep. If I sleep, I'll be at work, and if I don't, I'll be home rather than trying to force myself to cope and be focused and competent where my commitment isn't there. I'll rest, regroup and re-commit.

I can't look forward to tomorrow still being as hot as 35, but I can look forward to a much cooler night... though I can feel a cool breeze against my leg as I type... *is hopeful*

Also, wish K luck for his new job tomorrow - he starts at 6:30am, and thus will be up at 4:30am... now many of you are familiar with my beloved, and are aware that he is -not- a morning person.

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, awake, cycle, emotional, hopeful, intimacy, love, pain, pms, self, sharing, sleepless, tactile craving, teary, the universe, touch, touch hunger, vulnerability

Whose actual birthday isn't till tomorrow... however, had her party today. It was small with lots of littlies running around cutely. It was lovely to catch up with people, though at one point I was overcome by the need for a power nap.

Norah was adora-bubble in her fairy dress at the beginning of the party, and eventually joined the other nekkid kidlets running around with sand and water - omg, the sand and water!

Cake was beautiful and featured Maisie Mouse, made by callistra - Yum!!


I then got to invite leahcim over for dinner, and I made a san choy bau to beat all san choy bau's! OMG I have so much mince mix left over!! Lunch tomorrow :)

It was lovely to have him over for dinner too - esp. with the boys at their cute and playfullest (and not at all above the belt either :P)

It was a nice, family style night - missing only the beautiful linstar, and oh was she missed.

I'm soon to bed in another -extremely- busy week, but I still have a few things to blog about first.

My other highlight of today was a phonecall I received from MS expressly to share joyfulness with me - I felt so loved that she did so, in the company she was in. It was wonderful to be thought of, and missed and loved :) The call made me feel very connected which is always a wonderful feeling. *shinyness to MS and company*

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, babies, birthdays, children, love, parties, relationships, social, well wishes

hahahaahahaha bedtime!

1. How do you define someone 'being there' for you as a friend?

Sharing their love with me - ultimately the basis for my love is friendship is that I want to know that the person I love, knows it. I also want to know I'm loved in return. Everything else stems from that :)


2. What's your favourite taste and why?

In this moment, dark chocolate and rose... because the flavours compliment one another so amazingly well - the rose brings out such nuances in chocolate that I'd never experienced before. Similarly, chocolate adds an earthy richness, a realness to the experience of something that even in taste can be perceived as a scent... I truly feel that the flavour of 'rose' is as the scent is. That's how I experience it in any case.


3. Did you have a favourite teacher or class at school? Why was that person or class your favourite?

Year 9 Drama: Miss Millar. It was the first time I wasn't afraid of being noticed. I found out that I was actually really good at drama... which to know me now doesn't sound like a stretch. But then, you could hear me babble and I'd be saying nothing, and it would all be to avoid notice. My experience of that time was being 'anathema' - the worst thing I could imagine was drawing attention to myself, and I was terrified of doing the class. Miss Millar was amazing though and as she was such a good teacher - firm yet fun and joyful, I liked her. At that point given the person I was then... I wanted to please her. So I did. And discovered more about me in the process :)


4. How did you come to define yourself as a fan for the first time?

I got to be around other people that noticed and appreciated strange little things like I did, who were all a little different, did or said things differently. I just felt like it was a sort of 'home' I'd never had before... my experience of identifying being a fan, has nothing to do with being a fan of anything save fans themselves. It was callistra who introduced me to fandom however (see one of the other set of answers for expansion on that).


5. Name one phrase you wish you were able to say more often, and why.

'Whatever cranks your cheese wheel' - A friend said it once and I was, and continue to be, totally charmed by it. Otherwise translated as 'whatever makes you happy' or 'whatever floats your boat'.

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... "Live a Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf Define... # amazing friends, chocolate, fandom, friendship, identity, love, meme, self, sharing

1. What culture(s) would you say you belong to?

I would say I belong to several cultures...

I belong to that global culture of being a human feeling that connection with other people - this is something I only recently really got but it's awesome.

I belong to Australian culture - sometimes I feel tied to it in ways that fill me with joy and pride, and others feel yoke heavy and... wrong.

I belong to geek culture, though it took me a long time to find it. I used to worry I wasn't geeky enough... but had several moments where the association was unmistakable.

I belong to the culture that is the umbrella expression of alternative lifestyles and often alternative people I find that I feel at home in this culture that occurs to me as a mix of queer and polyamorous and conscious living.

I belong to the culture of women - this was chosen and I didn't grow up with this. I love that I really got to choose it. It's one of the cultures I'm most committed to making a difference in, to really make change possible.

I also belong to the culture that is WA fandom... it's small and insular and can be cliquish... but over all people are there for one another and appreciate one another even amidst disagreements and fannish political spats. I love that there's a commonality drawing us all together, and yet it is obvious that we are all so different from each other. I love the way all that joy and madness and fun and intellect comes together. I love being in service to this culture and community.

2. Which is more important to you: music or visual art?

Music. I only recently started learning how to appreciate visual art.

3. What does the word family mean to you?

It means those that I choose. Those who choose me. Those we care about and always love, but don't always find easiest to be around - those that know us and share those good, bad and ugly times. Those who know the worst of our facets as well as the best.... family is blood and not blood. Family is creating a shared space for several people in your life, no matter where they come from or how they came to be family to you... Family is an embodiment of love.

This is loose and off the top of my head - I expect I'm going to think on this quite a lot.

4. If you could learn to dance in any one style, which style would you choose and why?
I did a couple of lessons in Argentine Tango, and loved it. This is a style I'd -adore- being good at. I feel simultaneously powerful and yet seductive and flirtatious and like there's this knife edge dance we're doing... I love that it's a 'bedroom' dance and I love the way the two people partnering can move with such grace and heat with one another - and express his in ways I wouldn't have expected. Like little foot kick for example.

5. How did you find your way into fandom?

I was introduced by callistra who invited me to a room party :) It lasted the -entire- convention and was AWESOME! :)

Where am I? home Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... "Grey Sky Eyes" - Carbon Leaf Define... # amazing friends, australia, culture, family, fandom, humanity, identity, love, polyamory, queer, self, sharing

1. What elements make a good uni tutorial for you?

Interaction and discussion - being able to bounce ideas, feedback on what I'm getting, what I'm not getting either from peers or the tutor. I find that the more I discuss things the better I 'get' them and with greater flexibility, comprehension and with wider application and perception.

2. Who would be your dream guest for the next fandomedia?

Kelly McCullough or Anne Bishop - preferably both.

3. What con panel would you most like to be on (regardless of current knowledge/qualification)?

Why inspire? A discussion on reasons why we come back time and again being thought provoked. What difference does it make for ourselves, for those around us - does it change the way we relate to others and our lives? What difference does it make outside of our immediate sphere of influence - can you see and measure this? Connecting the lines of sight between being one person who inspires, to being one of many who inspire; that through this anything is truly possible.

4. If you and three friends had a completely free day and $20 each, what would you choose to do?

Take a trip out to Jane Brook Winery, do wine tastings and enjoy their amazing food platters in a very slow food kind of way, take photos, play silly talking games... do the vines walk they have there and enjoy being away and in each other's company - closeness and laughter, silliness and great wine and food.

Really I thought of a hundred scenarios, but they all involved laughter, and being ourselves, being close and enjoying one another - experiencing one another. So no matter what amount of money is available or on offer - that's always what I want. Quality Time. Connection. Sharing that sense of Love.

5. When you become prime minister of Australia, what will be your first act/change?

I'd follow through on the paid parental leave scheme, with attached education programs, support policies and celebrations that would highlight the battle that women have fought for this. I'd withdraw the exception clause from CEDAW and I'd also sign the Optional Protocol for CEDAW.

Where am I? home Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, inspiration, love, meme, self, sharing

1) If you were remade from the ground up (physically, personality, everything), what 5 things would you want to keep?

My ability to love,
My ability to see/appreciate wonder and learn from it,
My ability to provide strength, support and coping for myself and others,
My joyful experience of the world and its people,
My ability to be passionate and inspire people around me.

Those are some of the top of my list - the current top list given I'm writing it in this instant.

Nothing physical is as high up on the list as my personality. But if I could pick a couple of physical characteristics to keep, I'd go with my eyes, my skin and my hair.

2) What's a shining beacon in your life right now?

Love, in many ways, for many reasons.

(I'm not sure that I've answered this correctly or gotten the context you were after - feel free to prod for clarification or something more in line with what you wanted if I missed it.)

3) What's the most frightening thing you think you can do?

Inspire people.

4) What is your all time favourite book?

*falls over* I don't know that I can pick just one.

My first favourite novel was 'The Silver Brumby' by Elyne Mitchell, but I had a book of favourite fairytales that was specifically so much my favourite I scoured google for months to find a bookstore that had a copy that I could buy to replace mine.

My current favourite novel is a toss up between 'Daughter of the Blood' by Anne Bishop and 'Web Mage' by Kelly McCullough.

5) How rich do you want to be? How would you define rich?

I am rich beyond my dreams in the ways that truly count for me. I am loved - deeply and in turn there are so many that I have the honour and privilege of also loving deeply in one way or another. Love for me is one of the main expressions of happiness... whether it is for someone, something, somewhere etc...

Where am I? home Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... "One Prairie Outpost" - Carbon Leaf Define... # amazing friends, anne bishop, books, inspiration, love, mem

Details:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me!"
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And thus the endless cycle of the meme goes on and on and on and on...

I have some questions to answer, but I think I will do so after having slept.

Obviously in the spirit of 'if you wish', also I realise I'm supposed to have put answers with this and haven't.

I would also like to say that I have the best friends in the world.


Favourite moments from today:

I got to have lunch with azhure!!!! *bounce bounce bounce* She is warm, and lovely and I really enjoyed the conversation! It was just.... shiny :) And she gave me a very cute little shiny with a strawberry!!! *nomnomnom* Yay :)

I got to speak with MS for about an hour today on the phone. I am adoring getting to know her, and I really miss the days/week between calls when we're busy. I love being friends with her and knowing that we're enjoying becoming friends outside of our ties to e_dan. That we both have the experience of more connection, more inclusion and things being all around easier through having developed our own connection, is well... enthralling. I love it.

I burbled happily on the phone to e_dan this evening, and asked him how he planned to deal with both MS and I both being giggly and exuberant at him. :P He suggested it was a good question :P *bounce giggle*

Chatting with ascetic_hedony in the car about cognition and other related things... sharing some of the stuff I've been getting and learning out of the self enquiries I've been doing. He's one of my closest confidantes, and I always value his opinion, love and support.

Icon just because omg, I think it's hot.

Where am I? home Feeling... loved Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, e_dan, laughter, meme, moments to remember, relationships, sharing

Tonight I got to have a lovely relaxing night off, shared with sarren.

It was perfect.

I walked in the door and was greeted by loving and cuddly half naked, just showered kae_dash and aescapulius (so was sarren). OMG, my life it is so hard. *dramatic hand gesture*

The only work I did was a conference call that had been scheduled.

We had dinner out at my favourite little place in Maddington, that is surprisingly good despite being a supermarket cafe in Maddington. Yum.

Then we returned and I cleaned the bedroom enough for us to lounge and watch Leverage. Which is awesome. I loves it! Many thanks to cricketk for pimping it at me :)

And now that I've shared with you that I had such a wonderful night and unexpectedly what felt like a night off... I am going to go to sleep. Still not before 1am.... I fail at this largely unexpressed desire.

Mmm weekend and sleeping in for the win.

*bounces*

I am filled with love and appreciation for the people in my life - in case you glossed over that bit in my previous post ;)

Where am I? home Feeling... tired Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, fandom, k and cam, leverage, social

Just a note that I've just shifted all my blog feeds over to my google reader.

Yay google!

Now I can see some of what the blogosphere is talking about, and it should make reading my flist in general much more manageable.

Now, what to do with all the rest of this wired energy.

I've had huge nights the past two, really got clear on some stuff, discovered more and finding a whole new verve for what I'm capable of. I don't want to go much into it like this, but if you're interested, email me.

I'll find some time to write something a little more digestible than what's in my head and heart right now, but that's a day or two away - I'm sure reality will move again in that time :)

Where am I? home Feeling... energetic Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, blogosphere, feeds, happiness, possibilities, sensory overload, sharing

It's late and I'm about to go to bed, but wanted to write a little about the weekend.

It's been ages since I've gotten to spend quality time with cricketk, despite feeling close to her and loving her lots. So the best bit about the weekend is without a doubt the hours of easy company shared.

I've loved admiring her home, her garden, and just being around her as she moves through the world. It's been wonderful.

As is traditional, I am leaving tomorrow with more than I brought (which is saying something because not only did I bring clothes + toiletries + tech, but I brought clothes for different stuff like swimming and gardening, and walking/orienteering as well as something to go to lunch in.

Usually staying somewhere I bring underwear, a new top, toothbrush and toothpaste, moisturiser if I think about it, and if it's something particular maybe an extra skirt or pair of pants. It fits in my next to smallest bag. That's perfect for me - I like travelling light.

I am returning with Jane Brook wine (YUM!) and a gift for a friend ;) By tomorrow I may have added to this :P Hmm... episodes of Leverage sounds good to me!

I have slept a lot, and in aircon which has been incredible. So much good sleep - YAY!

I have wandered through the garden and admired the little peeping leaves and tiny fruits (baby apples omg cute!)

I have appreciated a different shaped kitty sleeping on the bed next to me.

I had a long lunch at Jane Brook where there was white port with lots of lemon and ice - mmm perfect, as well as really great platter lunch. Yum! Wine tastings... liqueur verdelho *wishful*

I crashed in the afternoon - headache/heat etc, cricketk asked me if I'd like some water when we got home, I said yes, but by the time she brought it over to the couch I was asleep apparently :P

First ever experience of orienteering. I did the short course out at Perry Lakes/Raebold Hill with cricketk and redbraids, and I really enjoyed myself. I'd love to do more, and have tentatively made plans to do so. Started learning how to read and follow the map - feeling quite accomplished about that.

Was delighted to see black_samvara and zebra363 at the orienteering too - afterward we climbed up on the climbing frame of awesomeness and had lots of fun!! It was great to be playful together - we win at being grown up!

Have begun a love affair with Connoisseur's 'Strawberry Extravaganza' ice cream. *swooon* OMG so good - part of dessert that I provided for juffles and myself. I think that I maybe having a fling with the strawberry over the vanilla for a while. MmmmmmMmMmm so good.

The other thing that cricketk, juffles and I have been doing is watching 'Leverage'. It's a capers show - it is amusing and doesn't take itself seriously. The cast are -great- the characters are adorabubble with a side of bubble and quite nuts! 1 good guy to lead a group of 4 thieves, who once they sort out the initial situation that brings them together, decide to continue working as a team, and putting wrongs 'right' from where the law leaves off. It's awesomecookies.

And now... sleep.

Thank gods that the headache I've had all day has finally shifted. Must have been quite determined to be a migraine as it took more than 2 doses of nurofen plus over the requisite period to take them in order to really put paid to it. Closest I've come to a migraine in ages.

Urgh, summer and the heat. Please can it be Autumn now?

My hat that I bought Friday in preparation for orienteering and bush walking works wonderfully. I feel that it looks the right side of cute, and doesn't look silly. It is also a proper outdoor shop, sun protecty x lots bought hat, that is black and squoooshable (technical term) and actually squoooshes into a little package that is very easy to carry around. Feel both delighted and responsible :)

Where am I? <lj user="cricketk"> and <lj user="juffles">'s house :) Feeling... pleasantly tired Compelled listening... the hum of the aircon Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, being grown up, holiday, ice cream, leverage, orienteering, sleep, swan valley, weekend

Exam went well, I think. I have good feelings about it.

I also hung around the uni for a little while, had lunch and generally felt very 'student-like'. I should point out that kae_dash was thoroughly encouraging about this, in a charming lovely way.

Doctors went well - nothing intrusive, but omg did the dr press hard with the wand!!

Results when I see the doctor again.

Many thanks to black_samvara for stepping up once again to be the most amazing Knight in Shining Armour anyone could wish for :) We also hunted books and kitchen stuff. It was great.

Now I'm sweltering in my bedroom, and should go take a cold shower.

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... nil Define... # achievements, amazing friends, doctor, exams, uni

I have just managed to book my pelvic ultrasound following on from going to the doctor in December. They had a cancellation for an appointment tomorrow. So I've taken it.

This is especially good for a couple of reasons...

1. Very little time to fret/be fearful and work myself up.
2. I have exam study to distract me today and tonight.
3. I have my actual exam to distract me tomorrow morning.
4. I once again have black_samvara as my Knight in Shining Armour to support me.
5. I have understanding partners of awesomeness who are loving and supportive.

So yes... engaging bravery... now.

Where am I? home Feeling... scared Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, anxiety, black_samvara, bravery, distraction, doctor, exams, fear, study