Being cuddled up under the stars with black_samvara, waiting for Rocky Horror to start. This woman, one of my dearest and closest friends, I am so in love with.

It feels amazing... and I can't not want to share that in some way.

To black_samvara: thank you for loving me as much as I love you.

Where am I? home Feeling... loved Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, black_samvara, love, perfect moments, transcending

First of all is the fact that I've had a blissful happy and relaxed day:
- slept in
- kae_dash cooked me breakfast
- aescapulius cuddled me
- madame_red_au shared silly pictures of them all from the weekend
- hugged the internets a lot
- went shopping, ate pizza and read my book
- went home and back to internets, glass of wine
- cooked dinner, berries and icecream for dessert
- shamelessly watching trashy tv - gossip girl and lipstick jungle

Second happy:

e_dan

Third happy:

maharetr

Where am I? home Feeling... loved Compelled listening... nil Define... # amour, happiness, lazy days, meme, transcending

Balance, and yet no middle ground.

The most middling was the lack of work I did, the lack of time I spent at work, and the fact that I crushed one of the fingers on my right hand and sliced the top of the nail through entirely - not sure what I'm going to do about that.

The down was really all me - feeling emotional, and worried and wishing for instantaneous transportation.

The up was the flipside of the down.... I'm loved. And I am absolutely sure that I in turn love.

I was having lunch with cupidsbow this afternoon and it was just amazing - I absolutely treasure it when we manage to get together and catch up, spend time. It's awesome. We were talking about the nature of love, and I mentioned that I fall in love often.

By often I mean, most days. Not just with one person - but with many of those whom I count my nearest and dearest. On any given day, you can ask me who I'm falling in love with all over again - and I'll have an answer.

It does however, make me value people. Especially kae_dash and e_dan tonight, two of the loves of my life.

Where am I? home Feeling... thankful Compelled listening... "Grey Sky Eyes" - Carbon Leaf Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, amour, balance, inspiration, intimacy, introspection, pain, reflection, self, thankful, transcending

Take 10 songs from your playlist, and list them with a single sentence about the friend each song reminds you of. Don't identify the person in your sentence and don't confirm/deny comment speculation.

1. "This Ain't a Scene, It's and Arms Race" - Fallout Boy
Your words are always saying something, and they're subtle, complex and they compel people to read them, I value the fact that you draw people to experience your characters and your visions of the world.

2. "Only Time" - Enya
Something that seems to be the basis for everything you need, and has given you the opportunity to come into yourself and grow into the skin without fear of abandonment or rejection.

3. "Live a Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf
It's the kind of song you want to go skipping down a very long road with, to just explore and experience the wonder of discovering every little thing, and you're someone I want to share this with for time to come.

4. "I Like the Way" - The Bodyrockers
I don't know if the choice of song would horrify you, but it reminds me of you each and every time I hear it - I cannot get the way you move out of my mind, and to think of it enthrals me all over again.

5. "I Knew I Loved You" - Savage Garden
Each time I hear this, I remember the many stars I wished on and am grateful with such gravity that I recognised you when I met you.

6. "Milk and Toast and Honey" - Roxette
This reminds me of you because I can imagine you curled up relaxing, cast in sunlight and rainbow prisms in the kind of scene that the song projects abstractly.

7. "So Beautiful" - Darren Hayes
There is never a moment in your company, even if you're mocking me where I haven't always felt beautiful, and like you can see beneath the skin to the Me hiding beneath.

8. "Voodoo Lady" - Live
The woman in this song seems to have such compelling, and mysterious sensual power - and you always come to mind, with the powerful and awe inspiring force of your personality.

9. "Listen All You People" - Darren Hayes
Because you're someone who is always listening an always trying to make others' voices heard and this inspires me always.

10. "Winter" - Tori Amos
Because I can imagine you in the context of the song's imagery and it makes me smile - it also makes me teary because this is something that I wish I could have known, but mostly I am glad that it reminds me of you.

Where am I? home Feeling... sleepy Compelled listening... "Winter" - Tori Amos Define... # amazing friends, carbon leaf, darren hayes, live, meme, music, roxette, transcending

*overwhelming relief*

I'm done and it's over - I don't have to do that again for about 2 years. I need a chart that I can tick off these things....

I have to say the most overwhelming and mango filled thank you to one of my beloved best friends black_samvara whom is my Knight in Shining Armour and who came with me, and supported me, made me laugh and comforted me throughout the day.

Really, the appointment went exceedingly well - the entire experience was pretty much the best I could have hoped for. I was brave and strong and I could talk and my fear was running on a fairly low level while I was there.

The doctor was awesome. Best doctor ever. He was friendly and personable, he was very relaxing and asked useful questions, listened to me and was sensitive to my fear - which made me less frightened. He talked about what we'd do and how, and OFFERED to do the exam in the position I prefer, rather than me having to ask - or insist on it. At every point he told me what was going on and made sure nothing would surprise me. He used extremely non threatening language which made me feel less frightened and vulnerable.

(Mine and black_samvara's favourite non threatening phrase was 'and when you're ready just let your knees drift apart..')

He did a full exam (pap smear, breast and internal), which I haven't had done before. The smear was still the most upsetting part, and I did hit the vulnerable part where suddenly I'm crying and upset. But I was held and comforted by black_samvara as he finished and he was also very sensitive in checking in with me too.

After it was all over, and they (the nurse was in the room too) left us alone I had a bit of a cry - because I've been building up to this entire thing all week, and I've been so very scared and it's impacted on my day to day a whole lot, to some degree unexpectedly, though after the last time I shouldn't be surprised when I compare the manner of the two doctors.

I felt brave and strong, and I'd done it and it was all fine - it was the best I could have expected of myself, and certainly of the doctor. I feel like next time it will be a whole lot easier - though I don't actually think I'll find a point where I am comfortable going to do this alone. Luckily black_samvara has kindly allowed me to pencil her in every two years or so for the forseeable future - actually she offered to bronze her hand or foot for me if by chance she died before me - that's real love, I tell you :P

And really, if out of my abuse history and the issues that came out of it, this is the only lingering phobic experience I have, then I'm really okay with that - because as far as things go it's totally manageable - and will get easier from this point now that I have a winning formula. (aka known as black_samvara, the day off work, lunch somewhere nice and a great doctor such as Dr Tsokos). I expect it will get easier and less upsetting each time - but even if I always feel I need to have someone there, I don't think that I'll ever experience a week like this one has been again - that's a pretty fucking awesome feeling actually!

That's really the most important bit of it for me - I was brave, it happened and it was all fantastic, but there is also the diagnosis ( stuff: )

Tonight I will be eating cake and celebrating coming through this and it being awesome overall! It's an important step for me in unravelling the hold the fear has over me - and will go a long way I suspect, to contributing to me overcoming a lot of the kind of fear that meant I spent a week trying to cope. I know this particular strategy works in conjunction with everything else because I've done it before.

Yay for conquering phobia - I am an amazing creature, and I have done this thing - hear me roar! I'm so pleased and relieved by it all that I'm still having moments of tearyness - the good and joyful kind.

Where am I? House of B&D Feeling... relieved Compelled listening... nil Define... # achievements, amazing friends, celebration, cycle, fear, introspection, reflection, self, transcending

http://www.kongregate.com/games/ArmorGames/hedgehog-launch?referrer=GregT_314

The bouncing hedgehog game is FAR too compelling for words..... 22 days is my current best :)

Also, lunch with cupidsbow was as awesome as anticipated. I am lucky to be surroundebd by such overwhelming love and support. *warm fuzzies*

It's made this shocking week coping wise reasonably positive and bearable - I feel like I'm getting somewhere, and am capable even if it's taking me a long time or I'm struggling - the fact that I'm struggling is okay too.

Also, black_samvara makes the best Knight in Shining Armour.


Last but not least, I'm about to start compiling my list of writingness, so if you'd like to be on it, you should comment, if you're unsure what I mean, read back over the past couple of entries.

Okay, and now to do some real work... before catching up with ascetic_hedony whom is cuddler and distraction-er extraordinaire.

Where am I? DPC Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... "Live a Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf Define... # achievements, amazing conversations, amazing friends, amour, black_samvara, games, intimacy, introspection, reflection, self, transcending

My deluxe edition of Darren Hayes 'This Delicate Film We've Made' arrived today!! It's a dvd collection of animated videos set to some of the songs from his double album released last year. I can't wait to watch it!! The booklet has some stunning photos and artwork, including 3D artwork (and comes with glasses!)

I'm so excited :) Doubly so since kae_dash said he'd probably watch it with me this evening.

I pre-ordered it ages back, and it's now sold out, so I'm very pleased to have gotten my copy!

It's a little thing, but omg it counts for a lot right now.

Despite managing the fear and dealing with the stress - it's all still been there, and the lack of energy to cope has exhausted me, because of course the day to day still requires that I function and unfortunately I still need to keep things moving along - however much I'd like to relinquish responsibility for a little while.

It's thrown me, the experience of this week. It's hard to believe that once upon a time, this was reflective of my day to day... this and more. So while I'm thinking positively I'm going to take a small moment to acknowledge and appreciate how far I've come from that point, how hard I've worked and how amazing the results are.

Going for this kind of doctor's appointment is one of the few things that still really triggers me badly. And that only because the preceding few experiences have been horrendous - my first exam was actually positive and not scary at all, and so it was a mild vulnerability dread, rather than a full blown phobic experience as I'm experiencing now.

I expect that as a result of tomorrow - aka, that nothing bad will happen, that it won't be traumatic, and thus will be 'positive' that the fear will have less hold, I'll have more ability to deal better and trust in the expectation of nothing going wrong etc and that less energy will be required to encourage myself to actually go to the appointment - one of the tracks in my brain has been the 'we could just go away, and it would be fine, we don't need to do this etc'

However, one thing I wonder... I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I'll be okay making myself go into that room by myself. I don't know that I want to, despite sometimes worry about leaning on a loved one to assist. Certainly at the moment I can't actually quite fathom that possibility.... it runs through the thinking process but all I end up with is '..... ...... .. ... .... ........ ..........................'

I'm getting there... and the day is not so terrible. I'm coping better than expected, and am looking forward to lunch with a friend followed by wonderful coffee from Epic. My original plans for the evening ended up pear shaped unfortunately and I'm sad about this, but it is one of those things and makes me glad that I/we operate on terms of innate flexibility. Still... I was looking forward to it, and even though I now have other things to look forward to, it doesn't change that I will miss this experience.

And now, more invoices to pay, sort, scan, rename, file, more general filing to pull from the black hole of scaryness, and more budgeting to figure out.... my work, it is exciting /end sarcasm.

Where am I? DPC Feeling... contemplative Compelled listening... "Live a Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf Define... # achievements, amazing friends, amour, darren hayes, fear, happy moments, intimacy, introspection, reflection, self, transcending

(pasted from mailing list)

******************************************
Australian Human Rights Commission Mailing List Service
******************************************
Sex Discrimination
******************************************
Optional Protocol a great step forward for women's rights: the next step is paid maternity leave
******************************************

26 November 2008

Federal Sex Discrimination Commissioner, Elizabeth Broderick, today welcomed Australia’s formal move to become party to the Optional Protocol to the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW).

“Signing this Optional Protocol sends a strong message, both within Australia and abroad, that our country does not support discrimination against women in any form,” said Commissioner Broderick.

Ms Broderick pointed out that, where domestic remedies have been exhausted, the Optional Protocol will enable Australian women to make a complaint to the international committee responsible for monitoring Australia's compliance with its obligations under CEDAW.

The Commissioner said it was an important additional way of ensuring that Australian governments are accountable for protecting the basic human rights of women, set out under this international convention.

Commissioner Broderick said that ratification of the Optional Protocol reminds us that there is further work we need to do in our own backyard.

She reiterated her call to the Government to use this occasion, in the 25th anniversary year of Australia’s ratification of CEDAW, to remove its reservation under CEDAW about paid maternity leave.

“When Australia ratified CEDAW in 1983, it expressly refused to agree to provide paid maternity leave for Australian women by placing a reservation so that it would not be bound by article 11(2)(b), which sets out the right to paid maternity leave,” the Commissioner said.

“The Australian Government is to be congratulated for ratifying the Optional Protocol,” Commissioner Broderick said. “It is also to be congratulated for establishing the current national inquiry into paid maternity, paternity and parental leave for Australia.”

The Commissioner said that removal of the reservation under CEDAW and introduction of a national scheme of paid maternity leave would represent the next steps for the government in its commitment to implementation of CEDAW and gender equality in Australia.

Media contact: Brinsley Marlay 02 9284 9656 or 0430 366 529

Where am I? DPC Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... nil Define... # achievements, feminism, thoughts, transcending, women

Wow.... hello lj, I missed you! It's been ages :)

I had a brilliant celebration last night - thank you to everyone who wished me well, came to celebrate, sent hugs and love in a variety of forms.

It was just incredible and I loved every moment surrounded by just a smattering of my favourite people :)

To those who were unable to make it, you were missed and I'm looking forward to catching up when time permits *much love*

I had about 30-35 people come to have dinner with me at the Mexican Kitchen. It was awesome - weirdly placed tables meant that some people were trapped for a portion of the night, alas - hopefully they remember this for the next group they put there. There were fishbowls of girly drinks!!!

I even did my homework and tried the salt rimmed margarita!!!

Finished the night late, drinking a french sparkling rose at the Little Creatures Loft, with dear friends... and then lingering, till just three of us remained. It was a lovely relaxed and loving ending.

I'm utterly feeling the love.

Had the laziest day on earth today. No seriously - I didn't leave bed in any meaningful way before about 2pm :) It was indulgent and quiet and snuggly and the lack of needing to be doing anything at all was just perfect.

Going to Booragoon sapped it all though *shudder*

Cooked a chicken, pumpkin and sundried tomato risotto tonight - it was well received, though next time I'll put in more sundried tomatoes.

My beloved kae_dash made good on his promise to watch Mamma Mia with me tonight - it was just as amusing listening/watching him as it was enjoying the movie. I cried in all the same bits -again-. I love this movie so much.

I am now, wrapping up and about to sleep, but kind of just wanted to virtually hug you all in a way. Just so damned happy right now.

That said, I'm deeply sorry to have missed a friend's birthday party, and another's being in Perth gathering because I was just too tired to cope with leaving the house again after I got home. Going to the swancon meeting at early-o-clock (not quite stupid-o-clock) will require pulling me out the door i fear... heh.

Oh the other interesting thing I watched tonight was a Darren Hayes interview in which he talks about his thoughts on Prop 8. I admire this man so much.

On that note, bed.

Where am I? home Feeling... ecstatic Compelled listening... "Chiquitita" and "Thank You for the Music" from Mamma Mia Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, amour, birthday, dining out, intimacy, purrryness, social, transcending, well wishes

There's this thought/concepty thing that I've been working on all week inwardly to do with, being my own glass ceiling.

Being able to see and perceive what's on the other side that I'm aiming for and yet have it very definitely out of reach.

The bit I needed to figure out about it, that didn't quite gel with what I wanted from it...

I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT!!!

So if you're one of the people I had discussions with about it this week, THANK YOU! Because really, I'm extremely grateful and can't thank you enough!

I've been really frustrated by my inability to figure it out - and knowing I was close, cos I've been working hard at it, trying different things, considering alternatives and such - but kept hitting the 'do not pass Go, do not collect $200' brick wall.

I'm so freaking happy about this!!

*does a happy dance*

Where am I? DPC Feeling... ecstatic Compelled listening... nil Define... # glass ceiling, introspection, reflection, self, thoughts, transcending

http://www.jackandjillpolitics.com/2008/11/friday-open-thread-12/

The pictures speek for themselves. I am moved.

Where am I? DPC Feeling... hopeful Compelled listening... "Live a Life Less Ordinary" - Carbon Leaf Define... # future, hope, politics, transcending

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants
Sir Isaac Newton - 1676

The quote above embodies a desire I have for the way I live my life, and move through the world. The way I affect people around me.

I am committed to being a person who makes a difference.

I struggle sometimes, in that I see myself surrounded by Giants. So many of you shine so brightly, and inspire me often and deeply. I am humbled by you, I learn as much as I can glean from you and I in many cases, love you.

I thrive on this kind of atmosphere I've drawn around me. It's incredibly conducive to growth and joy, love and a beautiful and vibrant life. It is encouraging of the 'more' that I'm always seeking to embody, embrace, to fulfil those hidden wells of potential within myself.

The struggle is this: I don't value the affect I have on others with equal currency, to the value I receive from you. In some way, I have felt that I what I have to give - though awesome, is not on the same level as what I receive.

In actuality, I am now in a space where, I am practicing my own value. I have diverted specific energy to run a conscious stream in the direction of reinforcing that I am already a Giant. I already make a difference - as do you all. And like you all, I can always be more. I am practicing trusting that I have as much 'wonderful' to give, as I receive.

I aim to see further, I aim to reach higher - and it will always be, that I have stood amongst Giants. It will always be in a world where, as Giants we share our shoulders so that we all can see further, reach higher and realise the 'more' we feel deep inside.

This is a reality that makes me very happy indeed.

Where am I? DPC Feeling... inspired Compelled listening... "Dublin Sky" - Darren Hayes Define... # amazing friends, goals, landmark, reflection, self, thoughts, transcending

Friday night - Unexpected dinner with girliejones, my favourite people collected at the House of B&D, open armed cuddles, joy and sensuality and appreciation :) The Middleman and Supernatural!

Saturday - shopping, including finding portable shade for picnic following day, hunt was successful in all ways. Also got lots done on assignmen. Prepared massive amounts of picnic food, including gourmet sandwiches, cut fruit and veggies.

Sunday - picnic!! We all went in together in the taxi in the end, taxi driver was awesome. I don't have the words to describe just how good the day was. I lounged the entire day with companion e_dan, whom I hadn't seen in what felt like far too long :) My beloved kae_dash and new boyfriend aescapulius galvanted like young crazy people in love - it looked very much like a cutesy anime, omg the cute was a diabetic epidemic! You can see that from this image:
http://aoyagi-seimei.deviantart.com/art/Pride-Faire-08-010-99205626

How cute is that??? Much appreciation to madame_red_au for capturing such a heart stopping moment on film. I can't actually express the joy this picture brings me - and I imagine from the outside that it's a little hard to appreciate how a portrait of K and C having a beautiful moment together could make my heart soar... and oh it does! It does!

K's happiness is part of what makes me happy - and this is something that adds an immense dimension to his life - and it's not one that I can give, at which point I can't begrudge that someone else can. Well, I could, but I choose not to, instead I enjoy the companionship and closeness that they share with me, and that out of the process, I also get a new friend.

( Where I begin to muse, and probably ramble )
Okay... way to get side tracked. Weekend.

Picnic was gorgeous, several people came by and shared time in the sunshine and general lazy ambience that we were projecting. There was much admiration for my shade cubby that also provided wind cover ^_^ I was delighted to share lunch with bardiegrub and shortblack, plus jobaby and family set up shop next to us too which was really nice too :) (and family short for the lj names I don't have please feel free to add in comments).

I loved the stalls and wandering, I saw so many friends, and many of them commented on K and C being adorabubble (plus extra bubble). The lovely guy I met who works at The Court and whom has the amazing -voice- was there and was kind enough to recognise me sans the gorgeous make up murg had done for me last time we went out. His voice (which is to say his voice in particular and not the equally lovely Scotts accent) is still delightful to hear.

( more rambling )

Home and tiredness, glomphed the boys in greeting - had missed them! And just marvelled at the feeling of -family- around me, and that all was right in the world - and it was a reverberating feeling from the boys too. It's just so damn good! It just keeps getting better!

I'll probably make a separate entry on Pride in general - this is too full of 'stuff' as it is :)

The weekend was utterly perfect as far as all the important and even unimportant measures I can think of go - I just can't actually convey in real words the sense of happiness, contentment, joy and vibrancy for life, the world and the people around me. Would that I could distill and bottle this...

Where am I? DPC Feeling... enthralled Compelled listening... "Flames" - VAST Define... # amazing conversations, amazing friends, amour, companions, family, intimacy, k, life, moments to remember, pride, self, transcending

Fear, spoken aloud.
Held, whilst kisses transformed tears.
Time travelling laughter.

Where am I? home Feeling... thankful Compelled listening... Silence. Define... # amazing friends, amour, intimacy, poetry, transcending

Playing the same meme game as here: http://mynxii.livejournal.com/556819.html

If you want me to choose some interests for you, feel free to comment either there or here :)

( as usual this is a little long without a cut )

Where am I? DPC Feeling... thoughtful Compelled listening... "Who Would Have Thought" - Darren Hayes Define... # meme, reflection, self, thuoghts, transcending

It's done, and dusted and over. Wow. I had one of the most amazing weekends of my life.

I spent time with a woman who has changed the world, made it a better place. I spent time with another woman who gave up the opportunity to appear at the final wrap party for the series she's been involved with, in order to be here in Australia.

And if that wasn't shiny enough... I met the people who put the supanova event together. I met the Joffre Street guys who do Cool Shite, I adored catching up with mdep again - it's always too long between chats! Also, this is the best chance we've had for catching up since I had her over here for Fandomedia :) I met F and M who are just amazing as far as guest managers go, and hot damn I aspire to be like them.

I caught up with Jennifer Fallon again and really enjoyed chatting to her - and the hugs. She gives good hug. Met her Secondborn and dearly enjoyed the conversation and company... it was all just freaking amazing. I finally met DZ the event director, his best friend and right hand, various others of his family members - all there helping out, making it run, and it was so awesome! He was so awesome! I'm so deeply pleased to have been able to put a face to the name, and enjoy seeing him do his thing, and do it well. So very well.

Perth Supanova rocked. We had more people through the door here than in Melbourne :) Also, it's not a once off - they're committed to coming back. They're pairing the line up of guests with the Sydney event which makes the break even a whole lot easier to reach as far as these things go.

I'm amused that Perth Convention Centre continues to price itself out of the market.

It was a great event and it was an incredible experience to see some of the way it works - I'd love to be more involved as a volunteer, it was amazing. It's also totally different to Swancon, it does different things, and there's a great crossover, but it's never going to be a replacement and they're not interested in doing that - they want to work with everyone, and have a community where everyone gets ahead, everyone benefits. It's not lip service either, I saw it in action.

Bring on Supanova 2009! I am so very there!

I learned so much that I hope to apply to Swancon as well, just minute things, comparison things, ideas and approach and appeal. It'll be interesting and very cool to debrief with my committee.

I'm too tired to gush any more, but if you thought it was all about the commercial side, then you'd be mostly wrong, because there is a bottom line element to it - you can't bring A list guests to Australia and not be thinking of it on some level.

But there is a whole lot more, it's a family run business, they're real people and they keep it down to earth and accessible and interesting - something different, and a little bit of something for everyone, also what an awesome array of sellers from over east coming over to Perth! Lots of new and interesting stuff I haven't seen before, and wished I had more spending money to appreciate.

As it was my overspending on budget went to photos, a portrait with Nichelle Nichols, and autograph - because having the opportunity to freeze a moment in time with a woman who is so deeply amazing, utterly worthwhile. So inspiring. And one with Kandyse Mcclure - because she's a darling person and she's become utterly smitten by Australia and Perth. I can buy 'stuff' any time, but something to remember to very special women by... you can't just make that appear out of thin air, and I never want to forget those moments shared, and all the things I wonder and hope for and want to do, pouring forth.

My beloved was in the cosplay and came runner up in the best individual overall section, which was incredible! He looked so pretty and was obviously having the most amazing time (while I was running around doing all of the above). I'm so proud of him!

I spent heaps of time with the Swancon stall, and we had great success in talking to people and getting the word out there, I am feeling fairly confident that we'll get some very positive results out of it. Now to collate all the mass of the information we received.

Also, kathrynlinge is worth a mountain of gold - the fliers and posters were spectacular hon, and you utterly deserve eleventy billion internets for doing such an amazing job! People were impressed and drawn to them and I can't stop looking at them! I think they'll be totally worth the cost of printing - even if that's wince worthy right this second. Many thanks to the amazing 2009 committee for weathering colds and honeymoon take offs in order to sit the desk and put Swancon out there to the Perth masses :)

Where am I? home Feeling... enthralled Compelled listening... nil Define... # amazing friends, amazing people, events, fandom, inspiring, moments to remember, sc2009, supanova, swancon, transcending

Because I've never been freakish in your eyes. You've chosen to love me instead.

You are a paragon amongst men and I adore you, love you, and treasure you.

You know this, and it isn't news to you, but my overt thanks and appreciation are yours.

Where am I? home Feeling... sleepy Compelled listening... nil Define... # intimacy, love, transcending

Beautiful article - thanks to random_alex for the link :)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

This is very long, but it's utterly incredible, heart wrenching and absolutely a must read.

Take one, world famous, devestatingly brilliant classical talent, place them in a public throughfare at peak hour to perform, and measure people's responses, and what kind of donation people make to the performance.

Utterly brilliant.

Where am I? home Feeling... surprised Compelled listening... nil Define... # art, interesting, transcending

I am still in love. It grows daily and I am thankful daily.

K is more simply romantic here: http://kae-dash.livejournal.com/21126.html.
(and I have to say I'm still utterly slayed by the post... his words made me fall in love all over again...)

11 years on and there are still new discoveries to be made, new moments to share, and memories for all that has come before.

11 years ago my life changed forever... and the one who introduced me to K, is not here to celebrate with us - there is still a Joelius shaped hole in the world.

We're best friends first and foremost, and we support each other's individuality as being just as important as the entity that is our relationship.

He is still one of my favourite things each day.

Aishteru.

Where am I? DPC Feeling... loved and in love Compelled listening... nil Define... # 11 years, amazing friends, amour, anniversary, intimacy, k, relationships, transcending

I'm sitting here in the dark, the fan breathes hot air over me, and it is noticably cooler than the still air. K sleeps in the other room, my other loved ones have dispersed to sleep. I alone seem to be awake, restless.... hungry.

This hunger seems weighted in my head, like I'm carrying a weighted ball or something... it's a disconcerting sensation, but not unpleasant - just makes me notice it, makes me more aware of the tiny things around me, feeding into it.

Like the scent of the lemon scented gum outside the side door, it's a heady scent in the warm dark air and so pleasant - almost refreshing. The soft way the light of the laptop reflects around the room, enough for me to see that I don't have to turn on any lights, leaving K less disturbed as he sleeps.

The animals are quiet, the heat makes them sleepy too, so no miaowing, or hopeful head butting with toys by the puppy... all is quiet, peaceful and sleepy. Except me.

I think today I'm moving on a different wavelength, I am clumsy and yet have had clear moments of grace. I can't seem to speak concisely - more elliptical than usual, and yet there were remarkably good sentances as well. Just like I'm walking a slightly different gait... perceiving things and responding in a way that seems slightly skewed. Not unpleasant just a little disjointed - the love of others shows, they forgive my lapses, gently teasing, hugging me till we all laugh.

I am restless, and hungry... but I am loved and this brings contentment... peace.

Where am I? home Feeling... contemplative Compelled listening... the fan and background street noises Define... # amazing friends, creature, ethereal, ramble, strangeness, thoughts, transcending

The day has been perfect so far.

black_samvara arrived just after 8am, and we headed to Freo with Kenobi and Orielle. Orielle is not used to having such great window views in a car, and tried on a few occasions to put her paw out the window - heart attack for me!!

She had heaps of fun at the beach, but was not nearly as brave as Kenobi in going out into the water and swimming. She did make friends with lots of other dogs though. Keys were lost, and gratefully taken back at the kiosk - thank you random person for handing them in! We chatted with the owner of a gorgeous little lab puppy - so cute!! Orielle was once that big :P

We headed over to e_dan's for promised pancakes, (hmmm... where did I leave the frypan?), cooking was too much effort so we headed back into Freo to the Mill Bakehouse.

This was Orielle's first Freo social outing, cafe puppy type thing. Over all throughout the whole day she tried her very best to behave - and on several occasions failed. But it was clear that she wanted to do the right thing, and was also having a ball. There was lots to see and smell and enjoy :)

She was too anxious for my peace of mind when I left the room or general vicinity at any given point - but black_samvara is well practiced at puppy distraction and discipline which helped, and she started to get the idea.

All in all, the outing was a success, but hard work - I would love to do it again, and it really was lovely.

Breakfast, lovely and relaxed with great conversation, meandering around Freo is always gorgeous and since I don't see black_samvara almost every day like I used to when we worked so close together, it was pure joy to spend hours and hours with her all to myself, so much love, and companionship - I'm so lucky.

It was just all wonderful. I learned lots, and I just enjoyed sharing the experience - being out and about and yet with no real agenda save what was decided as opportunity presented itself.

I'm very proud of Orielle for all her effort given it was her first social outing of the kind - mostly she is home or at the park near us, very rarely around traffic and lots of people, or needing to be on the leash and staying put etc.

More training is needed for her, but she's also in this lovely stage atm, where she wants to please me and do what I ask, so I don't think it's going to be especially painful - though probably easier when we go back to being a one dog house as it will be less confusing with one set of commands, not to mention less distraction and more reinforcement - less worry about the possibility that Bosie could get more attention than her.

I came home and had a long luxurious bath, starting to read my new book. I'm just now about to go lay down and continue, and maybe have a nap this afternoon before dinner tonight at The New Orleans to celebrate madradish being here and moving here soon :)

Tomorrow's plans originally involved the Chrisgagement party, but I'm not going to make it due to Calli and Chesh's birthday picnic - as I promised this time if at all that I would try and introduce Calli and madradish, and following that we're going to the free WASO performance, which should be gorgeous :)

Temp job starts Monday and will be a cruisy cruisy thing. Working in Royal street for those close by (or not) who want to catch up for lunch :)

Okay, I'm done, babbled enough. Must remember to email jobaby and not forget.

Where am I? home Feeling... cheerful Compelled listening... nil Define... # conversations, freo, love, meandering, orielle, puppies, social, transcending

ascetic_hedony was all kinds of wonderful and gave me an early christmas present - the hard cover omnibus of 'His Dark Materials' series ^_^

I feel very loved :)


Also had brilliant conversation with madradish tonight which was just all kinds of questioning and wonderful. Again, very lucky and feel very loved.


Also in the realms of wonderful conversation, e_dan, a continuation of wonderful.


Temp job for three weeks, yay - money!

Which reminds me, I have to email jobaby...

In any case, I really need to get some sleep, black_samvara will be hear far too early tomorrow so that we can trek to Freo with puppies for frolic and pancakes :)

Although there was that three hour nap this afternoon....

Where am I? home Feeling... exhausted Compelled listening... nil Define... # conversations, friendship, intimacy, social, thoughts, transcending

I think that I have more surety that I want to do this, and more so that both K and I can do it, can do a good job at it... K as a Daddy, wow - to think of it, I'm quite awed by the thought.

I also now have a better idea of what it can be like as a parent - just a bit, not an entirety but a bit more solid understanding of reality versus the storybook.

I'm incredibly grateful to callistra, cheshirenoir and babalon_93 for the chance to learn and experience so much - it was truly amazing and one of the stand out experiences of my life.

More on this later - I have a major blog post brewing based on my thoughts on being a pseudo-mum for just over a week.

Where am I? Home Sweet Home :) Feeling... thankful Compelled listening... K in the background - I've missed the sound :) Define... # babies, experiences, moments to remember, thoughts, transcending, women

Just quickly because I've been typing all day...

* Work is going well - very very busy, but I think that bit by bit I am finding my stride.

* K and I went to 'The New Orleans' for dinner last night (which is also where the slashers are going for Parade Dinner) and it was simply -amazing-. The food was incredible. Service - like being a guest in someone's house (someone who is -good- at making you feel welcome). We were brought complimentary corn bread to try - with honey and cayenne butter, and it was melt in the mouth... really it was one of the best things I've tasted. I had the buffalo wings for my entree and the sauce was kind of spiced, but not overpowering - very tasty. K had the crab cakes which I tried and (shock horror!) I really really liked them! K had the steak and crawfish for main, and I had the southern fried chicken - just awesome, and huge servings!!! On top of all that, their menu is almost entirely gluten free - and very well labeled, not to mention no comprimising on awesome taste. The 'famous' Hurricane cocktail was simply awesome - K and I shared :) I can't wait to go back!

* Have had two heart melting and beautiful conversations with two close friends recently that has left me floaty, happy and not only feeling loved, but just shiny and a bit sparkly being who I am. Once again I'm reminded that the friends I have around me, are truly wonderful, and deserve shiny happy things in multiples for themselves - amongst other things ;)

(because the last sentence wouldn't be right if there wasn't something wicked about it :P )

Where am I? home Feeling... enthralled Compelled listening... nil Define... # affection, dining out, restaurants, social, transcending, work

Madness, and I’m smiling to myself. It’s too good to share, and too good not to speak, and ramble filling the air with the words of my senses. I’m disconnected from the conventional reality that wants of me, and taunts me. I’m dancing in a state of the surreal, darkness and softness, sensuality, all threads in a weave that draws me into itself, I am warm and smiling softly to myself for all that I cannot find the words to share.

Where am I? work Feeling... enthralled Compelled listening... "Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol Define... # moments, sensuality, transcending